Lovely

Lovely: Here and There
Making Decisions Shouldn’t Break Your Heart, But it Still Can

Chapter 2

I was sitting at work, that 150 year old building sitting on the corner of Third and Avenue E. I like this job. I love what I do. Everything else is worth it. The walk, the bus ride, the dull and quiet afternoons.

On such a dull and quiet afternoon before the new year, before 2016 caught up with 2015, yet was still on it's tails, I was thinking about college. College has been something I procrastinate, keep out of sight and out of mind. It's too hard. I wish the tests and term papers were the hardest part.

I had it all planned when I was 13, and then all planned again when I was 17, and then all planned again just a year ago. And all of those plans have fallen through like a brittle second-floor ceiling. Because they didn't just crash, or burn, but they crumbled. And I've been living with the rubble, unable to clean it up completely. The dust is making me sick.

I don't like thinking about college, I don't like thinking about it at all. But I've been in school for three years, and I know it's time to get a move on because I can't keep wearing thing the same patch of floor beneath my feet. I'm done with the pacing.

I have no solution, no plans that bring me peace. My options are vast, really. To be honest I through some things to the wind, and meticulously planned them. None of my carrier pigeons have returned though, and I'm getting worried.